Letters To Rukia
by Aozoran
Summary: Set post-Episode 342. Ichigo thinks upon all that he has lost and all he misses.


**Author's Note: I wrote this for something else, but I couldn't help but like it so much I thought I might as well put it up here! This is the very first piece I've ever written for Ichigo Kurosaki. I really hope you like him!**

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The row of stalls stood empty along the entry way into the Shrine, the biting winter wind having long chased even the stragglers away. Heavy covers were wrapped around each, covering up their signs, and added to the sense of abandonment that clung to every inch of this place. _It was silent and painfully still. _Only a single leaf swirled and skittered across the smooth paving stones before him, heralding the arrival of another blast of cold air, which seemed to sweep right through him, despite his thick clothing.

Not a single ghostly presence. No leering face peering out from the shadows. Nothing… just unending _emptiness_. An emptiness that was echoed within his own soul, a hollow void where something new and precious had once fitted itself. He had known what it was like to belong, to truly _fit_. A piece of a giant, invigorating, complicated, sometimes frustrating… even _irritating_ puzzle. But it had been his. For a few brief months, it had been _his_.

And his world had been filled with laughter, anger, tears, happiness… and sorrow. _ And her smile. _

His fingers clenched around the small packet tucked against his palm, but he immediately relaxed it, his brown eyes gazing down at the little red envelope. He had crinkled it. Long lines marring the bright paper and shiny patterns etched into the smooth paper.

Ichigo Kurosaki thought he could live with it all. How many times had he said that to others, to himself?_ It was okay. It was worth it. It had protected everyone. It was fine. He was fine. __**Everything**__ was just fine. _He didn't miss it. He had always wished to be normal.

_Rukia_.

Her name was enough to shatter him, to crack the fragile shell wrapped around his heart and his bottled up emotions. _Who… could he protect now…? What if something happened? How could he exist knowing that so much was now firmly beyond his reach? That… it was invisible now to him… so close… yet so painfully far. _

Silently he stepped forwards, the sound of his _geta_ resounding in the darkness only cut by the distant street lamps. His subdued dark navy blue kimono flapped a little as the breeze kicked up, clawing at the fabric and attempting to tug it away from his legs. A faint shiver ran through him, but he straightened, gritting his teeth against the raw emotions that buffered him from the inside, desperate to get out. Ichigo hadn't been able to stomach the sight of his New Year's clothing, the ones Yuzu had picked out for him, the sight and feel of them… too like his Shinigami uniform, too much the bittersweet reminder of something out of his reach. He knew she meant well, that she was only trying to cheer him up, that they were all… looking out for him.

Stopping before the shrine, he reached out with one hand to gently shake the dangling cord, listening to the tinny rattle of the bells attached, before he carefully reached out and was about to slip the envelope carefully into a hidden spot when the end came unstuck. With a soft clink, a tiny white rabbit keychain slipped from the end and down into another gap, rattling as it went down. A note which had also been tugged free flapped once from the end and the wind gripped it and whipped it away, sending the paper skittering across the ground. For a split second, Ichigo was caught, his eyes darting towards the piece of bright white paper and down into the gap at the glinting, bejewelled rabbit which had figuratively gone down the rabbit hole.

Leaning forwards, he attempted to reach into that gap to retrieve the glittering keychain, his fingers slipping into the space, before almost becoming stuck when he realised his hand was much too large for the space. Silently cursing under his breath, he went after it again, desperately trying to hook his fingers through the loop in order to pull it up. He could feel it, cool against the tips of his fingers, but just beyond his reach. He sagged down against the edge of the shrine, his frustration simmering within him. "Damn it…"

His shoulders sagged as his head dropped forwards, the weight of his existence and… that quiet weight of _loneliness_ settled heavily upon him. It had been ridiculous to start with. Bringing that here, imagining that somehow it would reach her. It just hadn't seemed right… holding onto something that had always been intended for her. A gift meant for the year before… a gift that could never be given.

"Happy New Year's…" He whispered to the quiet night air. "Rukia."

The note caught on a branch, unfurling and flapping… revealing the words _'I miss you'_ scrawled on the white page.

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**I really hoped you all liked it! If I get the bug, I might write a sequel LOL**


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